Ever looked someone or some animal in the eye and felt that stinging pang of pity? It makes me feel sick to the stomach..... How can I stop imagining their pain?
Today I saw a man in the spar he was so dirty and thin, that he must be sleeping in the felt somewhere, he was rubbing a few coins together while having a 100ml bottle of milk in his hands, his pants were too short... most people stared at him in disgust, as if to accuse him of filling their space with his unwanted presence.
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply..... waiting for the pang of pain to disappear in my chest. My basket felt heavy in my hands. I shook my head, I work hard for the little money that I do have and he didnt ask for anything, so how dare I pity him, would I want somebody to pity me, if I do not look like the general bloke??
On my way to work I stopped at a traffic light and infront of me the Roodepoort SPCA van drove past, an old dog was sitting in a cage, looking so unhappy and forlorn, wasnt even trying to look out and see what is going on outside the cage? "PANG" the pain in my chest again, I had to swallow very hard not to start crying right there and then. How long before he gets the "injection", he is definitely not a cute puppy anymore and definitely didnt seem like a robust watch dog?! I brought the image of my happy dachsies in my mind, how they stare at me and is with me and soak up the love I give them and they give me plenty in return... how happy they are if they get their "kossies" in the morning...... doesnt kill the pain.
I go visit my frail aunt, only bone and skin, she cant feed herself anymore, she has to wear nappies and the "lady", even through the dimentia and parkinsons, will NOT do a number two in her nappies. She had a bright moment during my short visit, to help with the pressure sore that formed on her ancle - she told me how one of these days she's going to walk the streets - I joked and said that we will have a carnaval down Kruger Avenue.... oh and she laughed (she cant even move herself in bed from one sore hip, to the other)......
I was thinking about all of this, I was thinking about the people who are in unhappy relationships, I was thinking about the hungry children, the rebels who are dying for their cause in Tripoli... I was thinking of the rhyno's that are being killed for only a small part of their big carcass.... I was thinking - I was thinking.....
.... and I realised, if you cant do something, do not pity. Rather send love, light and positive thoughts to those people. Would I want someone to cry harder than me, when I go through a tough time, or would l like to see a vision of hope and possibly a brighter future.... or even an end to suffering whatever that might mean.
I dont wanna be pitied... now to teach my heart to refrain from aching and feeling sorry, rather just do what I can and smile?! The sufferer might appreciate a smile?
*sigh*
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